What NOT to say to parents of a special needs child

Posted on by Cel

Ever wonder what you’re not supposed to say to a parent of a special needs child? Sometimes, not commenting at all is better rather than uttering those seemingly innocuous words that almost often adds wound to aching hearts. The following list is from my own personal experience because I receive those questions first hand.

DON’T SAY:

1. Did you take any medication when you’re pregnant?

This question often adds injury to the listening parent.  “Why in the world would I do that?”

2. You should try to go to this doctor, otherwise your child will get retarded.

Again, I’d rather shut up than comment something like this. Who are you to judge, and add an unsympathetic advice. Brutally frank and not helping at all.

3. They might have smoked marijuana when they we’re pregnant that’s why their child is sick.

This is quoted from a recent comment made by a senator. So insensitive.

4. It’s good if you don’t add another child.

It is our right as parents to decide for that. As a first time parent of a special needs child, it is hard to picture see her growing up alone. She needs someone she can play with, someone she can lean on to, someone who will be there for her when we’re old. Who knows, it might help her development.  In short, this is personal. Don’t judge.

Have a nice weekend,

CEL

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23 thoughts on “What NOT to say to parents of a special needs child”

  1. Hi maia and mariquia i know how hard it is, how painful it is to a mother like us seeing our daughter in a different condition, reading your blogs about maia i felt i was not alone struggling in the illness “epilepsy” my daughter is 3 months old now and has been seizing right after she was born shes on pheno and keppra and i am seeing now the delays in her milestone it pains me but just like you i am hoping that one day she will be out of meds and will have a normal life i am not losing hope that God will heal her
    completely. Goodluck to our daughters

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    1. Hi Weng, I know. How is your daughter doing now? I hope we can exchange messages, please email me. 🙂

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      1. Actually we are now in the hospital (pcmc) for her uncontrolled seizure, 2 days now im so afraid i find it so difficult how to deal things like the situation we have now. We’re often spend our days in different hospitals

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      2. I was not aware what seizure should be; till i had my daughter kc i have searched a lot thru the internet about the illness epilepsy at first i was on denial and it crashed my heart whenever i see my baby seizing, what should i do to ease n comfort her? But i know i have to be tough though most of the time i wanna give up, but i believed God will carry us through thats where im getting my strength

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      1. Hi M! Sorry for the so late response, we are ok, just really busy as well. And you are correct, very busy and a lot of things in mind.
        How are you? Please give Maia a big kiss from Holland! x

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        1. Hi Che, we’re ok..there are times that Maia seizes many times in a day..but yes, we have to keep fighting for our children.

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  4. You are doing a perfect job! as a newbie mum myself, one cannot fully describe what it is to be a mum..its just our nature of being nurturing, its all in a package, i like ur page and it also feeds my homesickness, Philippines in general, keep up the good work!!

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