Yesterday hubby and I took baby Maia to the neuro pedia that her pedia referred to us. She holds a clinic in PCMC and The Medical City. We’re a bit far from PCMC so we took her to The Medical City.

After all the questions, she then told us the word that I feared.

Epilepsy.

I couldn’t believe it at first. Her EEG and cranial ultrasound were normal. What could have possibly gone wrong? What did she get it? She can’t figure out what cause the seizures. She advised that we treat her with phenobarbital because iof the recurring spells. I was not ready taking it all in. I wanted to cry in front of her, but I had to hold it. I have to be strong.

What’s troubling me is the unknown cause. There was no initial diagnosis. She didn’t probe more. I asked what will happen if we won’t treat her with medication. She explained that it’s a bigger damage if left  untreated than her taking medication.

And all those cloud of uncertainties of the future began to multiply in my mind. A part of my mind questioned God why. A part of me pleaded for healing. There was a big question in my mind. I wanted answers. I wanted a normal and healthy baby..as all parents would want their children to be. I felt helpless all the more.

We went home feeling bummed. The never ending questions never left me. I was in constant search for answers. How could this tiny angel have that condition. Even as I’m holding her in my arms, I have this intense yearning for her. It’s different when you’re  a mom, it feels your heart is being pulled.

I decided not to give her the medication yet. We will be going for a second opinion.

I pray for the best.